Loving Home Newsletter

SHKP Club's "Decoding Your Child" webinars helped members better understand their children's emotional needs

Following on from the successful debut of "Stay Strong and Fight the Pandemic" webinars, SHKP Club has launched a new webinar series entitled "Decoding Your Child". Experts were invited to assist members to examine the reasons and underlying emotional needs for various child behaviours. The webinars covered a number of methods plus nurturing techniques for dealing with children at different developmental stages, as well as building their mental health and self-confidence. Participants responded enthusiastically and utilised the online platform to seek parenting tips from the speakers. We are delighted to share the key content of the two webitnars to help every parent create a stable and happy family environment for sons and daughters, embodying the spirit of Loving Home in Harmony.

Deciphering kid's behaviours and emotions

Dr Eva Lee explained that children often cannot well express themselves verbally. Behaviours are used by them to communicate physiological, emotional, social, perceived and cognitive needs. She proposed three behavioural management strategies to help members recognise and improve their children's behaviours and emotions.

  • Identify the ABCs of a behaviour: Always pay attention to what the kids do. Explore the antecedent (A) of each child behaviour, observe the intensity of that behaviour (B), and examine its consequences (C). After such information is properly recorded, a comprehensive analysis can be conducted together with other factors, such as the child's age and the duration of behaviours.

  • Reinforce right behaviours: Praise your sons and daughters when they behave well or show improvement. Avoid talking about their inappropriate behaviours all the time since children will easily be labelled as "bad". Such label can confuse parents when interpreting children's needs.

  • Teach to express emotions positively: Children may not be able to directly verbalise own thoughts due to their developmental stage, personality or special needs (SEN). Parents had better accompany their children to read more, making use of different stories and characters to guide the children to express emotions in numerous situations.

Excerpts from the member's Q&A session

Q: What can be done when parents find their children have autism, dyslexia, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)?
A: Parents should first stay calm and not to worry too much. With an early diagnosis from a professional and appropriate trainings, your child's situation can gradually improve. Some helpful tips can also be gained from other parents with similar experiences via relevant special needs organisations, which helps understand children's behaviours and emotions more.

Q: What should be the focus when dealing with children's special emotional needs?
A: It is essential to stay calm and patiently explain the situation to the children in simple words, enabling them to know their areas that require help or enhancement. This can encourage the kids to take more initiatives to make changes and achieve continuous improvements.

Q: When a child has a tantrum, how long should we put them in a time out for?
A: There is no absolute standard. Parents should not rush to stop the tantrum, but review carefully the underlying causes so that such behaviour can be handled in a right way.

Please click here for more webinar highlights and watch the webinar video from here. (Both materials are in Chinese only.)

Pragmatic parenting tips

Angela Man emphasised that parents need to accept and understand their children's emotions in order to help them calm down and improve behaviours. She illustrated an array of factors causing emotional instability in children, such as changes in daily routine, unrealistic parental expectations and overly stringent teachers. She also shared some common emotions amongst children at the kindergarten and primary school levels, providing members with various handling tips plus parenting skills. You may apply below methods to manage your child's emotions.

  • Reflective listening: Observation and listening are the keys to fully understand your child's feeling and emotional needs. Responding your kids with empathy can let them feel understood and accepted. For example, if your son asks when he can resume schooling, you should not simply answer the date. It is more important to examine whether he feels stressed staying at home to study, or if he is keen to see his classmates.

  • More encouragement: Encouraging your kids to show them your acceptance, trust, affirmation and appreciation. Be reminded to recognise the effort made by the child throughout the trials. For instance, mistakes are often made when kids learn to write. It is crucial for parents to praise the child's willingness to practise. You can also improve children's confidence by creating more practices and successful experiences for them.

  • Parent-child play time: Spending 30 minutes every day to engage in child-led play time. Parent-child communication and child's mental health can be promoted when you respond actively to your kid's behaviours, feelings and ideas during the play.

Excerpts from the member's Q&A session

Q: How to correct kid's repeated misbehaviours?
A: Parents should not just point out why a particular behaviour is wrong. It is significant to understand the reasons behind the undesirable child behaviours. You can try bringing in "consequences", such as ban on having favourite fruit or reduction in play time, to guide your children and teach them they have to bear the consequences of their actions.

Q: How to evaluate if current parenting is right?
A: Parents can remind each other and review the nurturing style from multiple perspectives, including trust and expectations on children. You must also well master your own emotions in order to effectively raise your children.

Q: Why does my daughter ask if Daddy is upset when she is told off?
A: It reflects that the daughter values her father's emotions and feelings. The expressions, reactions and behaviours of parents have a direct impact on children. Try to smile more as a parent's negativity can cause stress to the parent-child relationship.

Please click here for more webinar highlights and watch the webinar video from here. (Both materials are in Chinese only.)

Dr Eva Lee, Seasoned Educational Psychologist
Angela Man, Registered Social Worker, Cheerful Mind Consulting; Registered Play Therapist, Association for Play Therapy (US)